In a bold move to combat mosquito-borne illnesses like West Nile, dengue, and whatever causes “Florida man” syndrome, Google’s “Debug” initiative announced this week that it has received preliminary EPA approval to release up to 32 million special AI-treated male mosquitoes across California and Florida over the next two years.
Upon learning of this, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. paid a visit to his good friend Dr. Mehmet Oz, the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services administrator.
Dr. Oz told RFK he’d received a prototype shipment of the bioengineered mosquitoes intended to be used for “field testing,” but they were interrupting his rooftop perineum sunning – or butthole sunning – session.
Kennedy, known for his wild encounters with Mother Nature, ran to his vehicle and grabbed a massive mosquito net to capture the artificially-engineered pests as his wife Cheryl Hines cheered on.
The HHS secretary will reportedly be testing some of the insects in order to find out what the “corporate skeeters” are really up to, saying, “I believe they’ve got Silicon Valley Wolbachia in them!”
White House sources say Kennedy is considering combatting the Google bugs by having HHS release its own batch of “all-natural” mosquitoes as well as government-trained dragonflies, purple martins, swallows, bats, frogs, and mosquitofish because they are all mosquito predators.